Josh's List of Useful Phrases

A collection of my favorite pithy sayings:

“To death!” -- Said as a toast

“Look at him, he's wearing a belt. That's Hollywood for ya.” -- An expression of contempt for unbelievable scenes in television and movies. Also, reflects the self-loathing of those us who can never meet the expectations of others.

“Feeling stupid? I know I am!” -- Usually said before someone does something stupid. An invitation to join in on the fun.

“Mistakes were made.” -- An observation delivered upon the behavior and choices of others. Can be applied in a motivational sense. A general reflection of the last ten years of my life.

“Just a bit outside!” -- A gentle way to let someone know that what they just said was highly inappropriate. Used liberally in conversations regarding who you would have sex with.

“Dynamite drop-in _________. Those years of broadcast school are really paying off.” -- Said to someone who tells a boring story or says something incredibly stupid at a party.

“We tried nothin' and we're all outta ideas.” -- Said during honest moments of self-reflection.

“Aim low kids. Aim so low no one will even care if you succeed.” -- Follow this helpful bit of advice and you will never be disappointed.

“Prove me wrong kids.” -- Usually added after a brutally truthful remark on the human condition.

“If a stranger offers you a ride, I say take it.” -- Good advice to give to a friend.

“Blow it all on hats.” -- Sound financial advice.

"To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems." -- Another fine toast.

“Gambling is the finest thing a person can do, IF he's good at it.” -- Truer words were never spoken.

“The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised.” -- Applies when you're having too much fun.

“Yeah, I could do a lot of things...IF I had some money.” -- A witty rejoinder to well-meaning useless advice.

"He reminds me of me before the weight of the world crushed my spirit." -- Please don't ever forget that you are NOT that special.

Some bonus words to live by:

"All right, you ragtag bunch of misfits! You hate me, and I hate you even more! But without my beloved ringers, you're all I've got. So I want you to remember some inspiring words that someone else might have said to you in the course of your lives, and go out there and WIN!"

Remember, never tempt fate:

"There's no way I can lose this bet. Unless, of course, my nine all-stars fall victim to nine separate misfortunes and are unable to play tomorrow. But that will never happen! Three misfortunes, that's possible. Seven misfortunes, there's an outside chance. But nine misfortunes? I'd like to see that!"

*Please feel free to add you own.

liberation teleology

By the sweat of thy brow thou shalt earn thy bread:

Grand Lake at sunset:

Heavenly beauty, wish you were here, surely there must be some point to all of this, etc., etc.:

Take him to Detroit!

Here are some pictures from the May Day party at the Bohemian National Home in Detroit. Thrity bands in two nights. My ears won't stop ringing. It was a crazy fun time.

Until you spread your wings, you’ll have no idea how far you can walk

I don’t have much to say these days. I’m too tired from working to bother with thinking. And for that, I thank the fucking maker. In brief: I’m very happy to be back home. Things have truly come full circle and I find myself back in the “Fuhrer Bunker.” Most of the time, I’m left wondering why I ever left Michigan in the first place. Oh yeah, right, THAT whole thing. Whatever. As I like to say, I burned that bridge when I got to it. Anyway, the winters here suck and everyone talks shit about Detroit, but I feel like Dorothy in Kansas right now. I’ve been east and west, north and south, and there isn’t anywhere else I would rather be than right here. All the old dreams are gone. It is time to make some new ones.

Angry North Leaves the Dirty South: On the Road Again 2 Electric Boogaloo Edition

Just a quick note on my activities: My great love affair with North Carolina officially ends today. I think I can honestly say that the split was mutual. It really was a “it's not you, it's me” kind of thing on both sides. So, I'm packing the car this morning and heading back home to Michigan. Am I insane? Probably, but for some reason people up there think they can put me to work. I had some great times (and not so great times) here in Charlotte, but the forces at work in my life are telling me, “Head North, my son!” All energy flows according to the whims of the Great Magnet; I'd be a fool to defy him, etc...

Well, that's about it really. Maybe once I'm settled in I will write a full debriefing on my “Dirty South” experience, but for now I need to focus on yet another high speed burn across country. Destination: the post-apocalyptic ruins of our fair Detroit.

Adieu.

Mixing Memory and Desire

So, the powers that be have informed me that my OSU email account is being deleted tonight at midnight. I've spent the past hour or so poking around, trying to decide if anything was worth saving. Why on earth did I keep every email I received and sent during three years of grad school? 2236 emails demand my attention... some more than others, obviously. There are countless gems that might merit preservation and further reflection, but I'm sticking to my guns and reducing, rather than accumulating, emotional baggage.

I'll leave you, my kind readers, with this priceless bit of grad school nostalgia (which was perhaps far more prescient than the sender ever could have guessed):

Sully: "What do you say we run away together to some tropical island?"
Ruby: "There's about a thousand other guys I'd rather go with than you."
Sully: "Impossible. There are only a couple of hundred other guys in this town."
Ruby: "As long as there's one, you're shit out of luck."
-Richard Russo, "Nobody's Fool"

P.S. Very soon I will be enjoying Michigan left after Michigan left...

*P.S.S. Edit*: Upon further reflection, there is no way I can read through another 510 emails from my ex-girlfriend. I don't think it is healthy to swallow that much poison in one sitting... Unless it is in beer form (and I've got that covered)... or unless you're Socrates... or something. I'm glad the historian inside me is dead. Let the powers that be wash away 1,095 days of my history. Fuck it, it's not like it's the Library of Alexandria or anything.

And Now For Something Completely Different

It has been a pretty rough ride for us Pistons fans this season. Of course, the team has been stuck firmly in heartbreak territory since the heady days of the 2004 championship run, so we're fairly used to disappointment. The departure of Chauncey, however, marked the start of a whole new low for our favorite team. For the first time in five seasons the Pistons are playing at a .500 level. The acquisition of Allen Iverson and the removal of Rip from the starting lineup completely demolished what was left of our famous starting five and pushed the team into a craptastic tailspin of failure. People started to talk casually of missing the playoffs this year. The biggest disappointment was that our guys seemed to be playing like they didn't really care what was happening out on the court. For someone like me who has always felt some sort of vague cosmic connection between the Pistons' fortunes and my own, all signs pointed toward continued frustration followed by the inevitable big-time letdown of more wasted months.*

I'm happy to report, however, that the Pistons of old have returned in the past few weeks, going 5-2 against some tough teams. Perhaps most importantly to me, the games have simply been fun to watch. Old school grind-it-out basketball, the way it was meant to be played. The fact that the Pistons have been winning is an added bonus, but I'm just happy they are trying their hardest. Need I add that I've actively worked on letting my emotional attachment to the team fade a bit? Call it growing up or whatever, but I've realized the futility of finding happiness in things that are fundamentally influenced by forces outside of my control. So be it. For now, I'll watched the season with renewed interest, even as I remind myself that it's just a game.

* It's all dialectical, man. Forgive my failure to synthesize the irrational/rational, scientific/superstitious, religious/atheist, nihilistic/hopeful parts of my being into one coherent narrative.