I must die. But must I die bawling?

“We must learn to strengthen self-restraint, curb luxury, temper ambition, moderate anger, view poverty calmly, cultivate frugality, use readily available remedies for natural desires, keep restive aspirations and a mind intent upon the future under lock and key, and make it our business to get our riches from ourselves rather than from Fortune.”

“We are all chained to Fortune. All life is bondage. Man must therefore habituate himself to his condition, complain of it as little as possible, and grasp whatever good lies within his reach. No situation is so harsh that a dispassionate mind cannot find some consolation in it... Apply good sense to your problems; the hard can be softened, the narrow widened, and the heavy made lighter by the skillful bearer. Our desires, moreover, must not be set wandering far afield; since they cannot be wholly confined, we may give them an airing in the immediate vicinity. What cannot be or can hardly be we should leave alone, and follow what is near at hand and in reach of hope, but in the knowledge that all alike are trivial.”

---- Seneca

“Don't hope that events will turn out the way you want, welcome events in whichever way they happen: this is the path to peace.”

“For every challenge, remember the resources you have within you to cope with it. Provoked by the sight of a beautiful woman, you will discover within you the contrary power of self-restraint. Faced with pain, you will discover the power of endurance. If you are insulted, you will discover patience. In time, you will grow to be confident that there is not a single impression that you will not have the moral means to tolerate.”

----- Epictetus

“'Poor me, because this happened to me.' No, say rather, 'Lucky me, because though this happened to me I'm still happy, neither broken by present circumstance nor afraid for the future.' Because the same thing could have happened to anyone, but not everyone could have remained content. So why is the former a misfortune any more than the latter is a blessing? Do you actually call anything a human misfortune that isn't a perversion of human nature? And don't you think a perversion of human nature must run counter to nature's will? Well, you understand its will. So does this misfortune prevent you in any way from being just, generous, sober, reasonable, careful, free from error, courteous, free, etc. - all of which together make human nature complete? Remember from now on whenever something tends to make you unhappy, draw on this principle: 'This is no misfortune; but bearing with it bravely is a blessing.'”

---- Marcus Aurelius

“Don't get attached to them and they won't be. Don't tell yourself that they're indispensable and they aren't. Those are the reflections you should recur to morning and night. Start with things are least valuable and most liable to be lost – things such as a jug or a glass – and proceed to apply the same ideas to clothes, pets, livestock, property; then to yourself, your body, the body's parts, your children, your siblings and your wife. Look on every side and mentally discard them. Purify your thoughts, in case of an attachment or devotion to something that doesn't belong to you and will hurt to have wrenched away. And as you exercise daily, do not say that you are philosophizing, but that you are a slave presenting your emancipator; because this is the genuine freedom that you cultivate.”

---- Epictetus

But all of this feels like bullshit to me. Just another impossible collection of pithy sayings. I'm no stoic. Diogenes would mock me with all the rest. How about some truth then? That at least might honor our philosophers. I am a liar and a thief and a coward. I'm weak and let my emotions overpower my resolve. I retreat in the face of difficulty or even more pathetically beg for absolution. I comfort no one, while I demand all that others have to give. I'm a hypocrite. A drunk. I follow my nature, and it is so very ugly.

I'm not sure that he is entirely right, but Baudelaire does have one pretty funny observation on the matter: “Stoicism is a religion with only one sacrament, suicide.”

I'll be drinking booze for breakfast...

that is all. Not really.

1.20.09: The End of an Error?

One king steps down and another takes his place. It doesn't really matter who is in charge because this country is doomed, DOOMED! Maybe I've been reading too much Toynbee lately, but I don't see how one man can possibly arrest the slow disintegration of our civilization. The economy is fucked. The middle class has finally seen the end of its entitlement. The best minds of our generation are waiting tables and pumping gas. We've proclaimed the deification of profit and consumption. Our government is a bloated bitch-goddess with an insatiable appetite for money and failure. We have enemies everywhere. Our culture is a pathetic rotten shell of its former self. Our society is morally bankrupt. We are actively working to destroy our environment. A man's greatest hope is to die quietly in bed surrounded by his stuff. We have no long term vision or planning. We're day to day and hand to mouth. I'm glad Obama has made “hope” a central pillar of his presidency, because that is all we really have left.

Champs-elysées

Je m' baladais sur l' avenue
Le coeur ouvert à l' inconnu
J' avais envie de dire bonjour
A n' importe qui
N' importe qui et ce fut toi
Je t' ai dit n' importe quoi
Il suffisait de te parler
Pour t' apprivoiser
Aux Champs-Elysées
Aux Champs-Elysées
Au soleil, sous la pluie
A midi ou à minuit
Il y a tout c' que vous voulez
Aux Champs-Elysées
Tu m' as dit : "Jai rendez-vous
dans un sous-sol avec des fous
qui vivent la guitare à la main
du soir au matin"
Alors je t' ai accompagnée
On a chanté, on a dansé
Et l' on a même pas pensé
A s' embrasser
Aux Champs-Elysées
Aux Champs-Elysées
Au soleil sous la pluie
A midi ou à minuit
Il y a tout c' que vous voulez
Aux Champs-Elysées

Missing fishy flutter on it's rudder...

Boat on a hill, never going to sea.
Anchored to a fixer upper's dream.
This boat is beat, never gonna be a boat now.
Seems it never had a chance.
I wanna be a boat.
I wanna learn to swim.
Then I'll learn to float.
Then begin again.

The Wisdom of Christopher Moore...

"It's hard for me to stay in the moment. Without the past, where is the guilt? And without the future, where is the dread? And without guilt and dread, who am I?"

---- from Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal

If you aren't reading Moore, you're missing out.

a poisoned place where nothing grows

A Nice End to a Foul Year

I'm glad that 2008 has passed. It wasn't exactly a banner year for old Josh. In fact, I think I could safely say that it was the worst year of my life. Hopefully there wasn't any permanent damage done. At least I feel pretty eager to move on in 2009. Fuck it.

Anyway, Michigan was a blast. Time spent with old friends and family boosted my spirits. Being home made me feel almost whole again.

Some pictures for your entertainment:



At the top of the hill:



Me crashed at the bottom:



Just before we all sniffed Cognac:



Sniffing Cognac is a bad idea:



Me saying something stupid:



I thought it might be fun to finish the hurricane punch:



Looks like I spilled some:



A New Year: